Any words of wisdom for this confusing time for me. later: 1. Document all of his harassment, and do not be afraid to report him to the police. At such times one probably wants to get back with her and give it a shot again. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! The big thing though is, he doesn't seem to have considered my feelings once in this. Unless you think you were sent to earth to take on the sins of others, you do not need to sacrifice yourself for another’s penance. I thought I had, I just ended another relationship that i had in the meantime (completely unrelated) and last time I met this guy I didn't feel anything besides fond friendship but as soon as he said that to me it came flooding back. Very hot and cold. These Guys usually get in such a mess because they guilt people into enabling them. Trying to guilt them into reconsidering the relationship can end up pushing them further away. Much more than I did 6 months ago. LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO GIVE YOURSELF A CHANCE, AND DO NOT FEEL LIKE YOU NEED TO FIX HIM OR YOU OWE HIM YOURSELF AS A SACRIFICE. I don't think he's narcissistic at all actually, maybe just thoughtless in this one thing. Let’s say your ex is not ready to try the relationship again, but they are eager to stay connected. Signs it's actually a good idea to try again with your ex Signs it's actually a good idea to try again with your ex. Ex wants to try again. You are in a prime position if this is the case. You guys didn't break up on bad terms. I’m 7 months pregnant he hasn’t worked and was always looking for work, now that I left he suddenly wants to change like every time we fight. No, it's not that. One thing he said when I was leaving the other night was "I've really fucked this up, haven't I?" Two weeks later, he's still being weird so I talk to him again and essentially drag a break-up out of him. Press J to jump to the feed. Continuing to contact them just proves you are needy, pushy, disrespectful and annoying. 6:14 PM on Feb 8, 2012 CST. Guilt because his reasons for not wanting to try again right now are semi-decent (we're both mentally ill, and he thinks he needs to work on his own issues before getting into a relationship again.) It's manipulation, get out. At the start of the year, he got a job at my college where I work part time, and we were suddenly seeing each other every day. You shouldn’t ask your ex, “Do you want to start from the beginning and date again?” because a woman will almost always say, “No” to that. If you have a child or business together, it stands to reason that you and your ex would remain in contact— but this can remain very business-like. Ex-boyfriend wants to try again. And I really liked him for pretty much all that time. I mean, he treated me pretty poorly. deleted_user 10/06/2007. Remember: You are the man and it’s up to you to take the lead and not wait around for your ex to give you the green light that it’s okay to contact her and get back together again. He lost you though his actions and yet you are holding yourself to guilt. It wouldn't be that bad to see each other again. Cuddling can send the wrong message, says Needle, or cause one or both of you to feel an emotional attachment again. He sounds dangerous, and people like that tend to escalate over time. Since your ex cares about you, your ex is going to give away subtle signs of pretending to be over you whether he or she likes it or not. If you want your ex back do not turn down the offer just because you feel scared that being friends will hurt your chances to get back with your ex. Some say this means she'll just return right back to you, and she was emotionally charged at the time she broke up with you. If you want this to keep happening, keep hanging around with him. Need help with your relationship? Oh how I longed to hear those words! It can seem impossible to figure out whether or not your ex really wants you back, or if you’re just misreading the signals.. Your ex insists it’s them — and not you didn’t read this all I needed to read was the title.. don’t give them another chance, My short but cruel opinion? What your ex won't tell you is that she's sad -- really f*cking sad. Absolutely not. Basically, a couple of days ago, I was having coffee with a guy I used to go out with, and he asked if I wanted to go out with him again. Either can be a good sign. If they offer you a hand of friendship, you must try to make the best of it. We both know he is still deeply disturbed, as if he wasn't, he wouldn't be making these manipulative threats in the first place. RELATED: 7 Signs Your Ex Is Just Pretending To Be Over You And Will Eventually Come Back 4. I want to rebuild the trust in our relationship as he tried to be in a rebound witj someone but failed. But most of all, guilt because he wants to try again when he's more mentally stable, and I don't. Absolutely 100% his choice to harm himself or not, and it's almost certainly going to be not; he sounds like he thinks more of himself than he ever will anyone else. Ever since, I feel kind of heartbroken. He was fresh out of a year long relationship with his ex who mutually decided to break up with him before he met me. Missing you is the first step to getting him … I feel really conflicted. Then, he asked me on a date. This went on for about 2-3 months. He even admitted he was acting like that (without me asking or saying anything) and apologized a few times, but didn't actually change. If they act all moody, they may be upset because they feel conflicted about the breakup. We are both in our early-mid 20s. Press J to jump to the feed. How is one to get their ex girlfriend back when she already has a boyfriend? In have forgiven him over and over again after all his bits of jealousy. No. In general, I think this is the best advice: be the kind of girl who moves on. This is one of the biggest signs that your ex wants you back and that they will eventually come back to you. I don't know if I was right to say no, whether I should give him a second chance, whether I even want to be with him. I presume he has a report on file since you mention having the police remove him from your home in the past, so do not be afraid or feel guilty about reporting him again. He's only realizing this NOW? 8. I mean, rejecting people isn't fun but I do it when I need to. I'm the only person he's ever dated so maybe i'm just the only person who fills the 'girlfriend' role in his head. If he tops himself its not on you. Signs Your Ex Girlfriend Wants You Back. I feel really confused and conflicted about it all. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I had no idea about his cocaine use or problems until about 6 months in, he told me he had a problem and was seeking help such as going to N/A meetings 4 times a week, I figured since he hadn't had any slips since we had been together and was actively seeking help that I would stick around to support him but this obviously back fired.. during these 4 "episodes" I've been dragged up the stairs by the hair, slapped in the face, kicked, had a phone smashed into my face, been bitten on my face, choked and been dragged to the ground by the hair and had my face forcefully pushed into the ground.. after his last episode, I had the police remove him from my home and that was that.. He Maintains Non-Essential Contact. He definitely seemed to agree that it might be part of the problem at the time though. If they constantly comment on your posts, like your every post, and follow your every move on social media , you can be sure that they are still crazy about you. I'm really not sure he does though. And he seemed really reluctant to do anything sexual. Also consider a restraining order. He sent me an email the next day apologizing for putting me on the spot, and saying he understands my feeling and where i'm coming from. We are both in our early-mid 20s. Trust me, he is much more likely to kill you than harm himself. Not your responsibility if he does end up doing something. It is absolutely NOT your responsibility, no matter how he tries to manipulate you (which is his primary aim). If you really truly feel sorry tell a doctor or something and have him call someone but I would go no further than that, It is never your responsibility. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. He was my first boyfriend. Inevitably, your girlfriend has love and relationship baggage, which right now is coming back to haunt you. I've always been a logical person before this. Leave A Reply. You sound like you don't want to date him, but you hate rejecting people. There ensued a big awkward conversation with me asking why, and how things had changed, and what the fuck basically. I was still doing normal dating stuff, but he was at the back of my mind. If he cares about you he would stay the hell away. He keeps telling me if I ever loved him, I wouldn't turn my back on him and he'll kill himself if I don't speak to him.. Its not as horrible as it sounds. Physical abuse is one strike you’re out. If your ex wants to know how work is, who you are seeing and what you are up to in general, that’s a ginormous signal they still want you in their life. Cut to now, 6 months later. He's already in a new (rebound) relationship. Sure, you might feel closer in the moment, but if anything, it might just make both of you feel more confused. Why? This could get really ugly. My ex and I only dated for a year but we have been in contact for a year after. Ex wants to be friends I want more: You don’t want to be Friend-Zoned by the one you love! Mostly, exes propose to stay friends because that way they’re still in your life and getting you back is much easier. He said that he is attracted to me, and wants to be with me. I also feel like this might be because he's settled in his job and house, and he wants "a girlfriend", rather than he wants me specifically. More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. Did he really think I wouldn't move on, date other people? He has a job and his own place now and is sort of settled, and that he's ready to be with me. I may have misunderstood the attraction thing, maybe he used the word shallow meaning the relationship rather than himself with regards to me, i don't know. He's incredibly shy, people said afterward that they were surprised I had gone out with him as he is so shy and quiet and I'm pretty outgoing. It’s not worth it and you are better off. I don't think I could face telling people we were back together, and then have him treat me like that again. Run. But if your ex has told you in clear words that they don’t want contact, or refuses to respond to your texts, messages, emails, phone calls, your ex wants you to leave them alone. So I had been with my ex for 2 years, during this time he was physically abusive towards me on 4 different occasions, everytime he hit me, he was either drunk or high on cocaine.. He won't however, just a ploy. 1. Sometimes one's decision of breaking up with the girlfriend does not seem right. You keep a part of the responsibility for his bad actions locked in your very core, with guilt. I [F26] was in a relationship with my ex [M26] (we will call him steve) for 5 years. You will be forgotten if another potential partner comes along and shows they can be controlled by guilt. Long story short, he was afraid of commitment. I dont know what to do.., I'm not going back there again, but if he actually harmed himself I'd feel a huge sense of guilt.. is this my responsibility or is he just manipulating me? 0. I wanted him to move in with me and at the very last second, he bailed. 5. He may have had those reasons for ending it, but he didn't TELL me those reasons. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! If your ex wants to meet up to “catch up” it’s likely that he has felt an emptiness in his life since you exited it, and simply wants to meet up to see you, talk with you, be with you. I get your point though. Adapted from a recent online discussion. Call it “backsliding,” but in such a case, getting back together with an ex seems more than sensible. Need help with your relationship? Here are 7 reasons your ex might pop up months (or even years!) You guys had a short relationship. I've gone for coffee with him to catch up a couple of times, it felt to me like we were really back to being friends, like nothing had happened. She might end up feeling bad all over again and start crying, and you obviously want to avoid that like a plague, so it might be better to refrain from texting your ex when you think of her. Its been 7-8 days we r talking n now he wants to be back, i said I’ll think about it n after that he didn’t asked me again, but he gets jealous whn i talk to other guys. He's now contacting me declaring his undying love for me and begging for another chance.. So I said no. I was friends with him for around a year before anything happened, we didn't see each other very often in person but chatted online a lot. If you want them back, you risk interpreting their behavior as signs that they feel the same way, because that’s what you want to see and hear.. In my defense, this was only the second time I'd met up with him. Basically, a couple of days ago, I was having coffee with a guy I used to go out with, and he asked if I wanted to go out with him again. I could really use any advice you have. I feel incredibly sad about the whole thing. Since an ex who wants you back is likely to do the opposite of what you expect, here are four real signs that he secretly wants you back. She wants a man to simply laugh at her suggestion and confidently guide her through the ex back process until they are in a relationship once again. Some days he seemed really into me, then he'd withdraw. If they come back, it must be their decision. A year after the divorce my ex-wife came to visit the kids and begged for me to talk to her as I was NC on any topic not about the kids. I should move on I suppose. I think ending all contact with him is the best/kindest thing you could do. It was very up and down from there. This is quite long, and i'm a bit confused, so sorry in advance. He was very vague and confused, but seemed to be saying that he didn't want this to be any more serious and I gathered that though he liked me very much as a person, he maybe didn't find me completely physically attractive. Reach out to your support group (family, friends, reddit, therapy - in no particular order) and realize that this guy is a deeply disturbed person who is using manipulation tactics to lure you back into the trap. If you’re on this site, you’re looking for solutions in terms of getting back together; not being friends with an ex that left you (or the person that maybe you broke up with.) any advice would be greatly appreciated. Currently we are living apart for a little over two months. This is quite long, and i'm a bit confused, so sorry in advance. Don't do a full blown character assassination of how narcissistic he seems to be unless he really pushes the issue and doesn't take "I'm just not that into you" for an answer. Ex wants sex: But I don’t know if they still have feelings for me. Or rather, I said I thought it was a bad idea, and that I needed time to think. It was great and I started liking him more and more. She lamented her cheating, her cruelty, her constant fault-finding, but mostly she said she missed my friendship and could we please try again. It feels like my heart vs my head. Part of the consequences of his actions are losing you and your love. Don’t try to reason with your ex to be with you. Either way, try to stay positive. 100% manipulation. After about 2 months we were drunk at a party, we both admitted feelings and hooked up. Ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend wants me back: If I accept what do I do? But if you miss him and want to be together again, here are 7 signs your ex is just pretending to be over you and will eventually come back. That guilt is not for you! He said he wanted this to be a relationship. Your sole responsibility is to your own health and wellness— you do not go back to him at all. Weirdly, whether we like it or not, exes do this all the time– and it’s important not to automatically decide that your ex wants you back. He wants to try and we are going to go to counseling. But how does that happen if there is someone new in her life? I think I still do have feelings for him, but I hate the idea of being the sort of person who takes someone back after they cast me aside. It's been 6 months! He said that, at the time, because he didn't have a job, that he thought he was going to have to emigrate and that he didn't want to have a shallow relationship with me but couldn't be serious thinking he was going to have to leave. And your ex wants you so badly that they are proposing something that obvious. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. So my ex and I have a long history, but I want to keep this short. If she still doesn’t know whether or not she wants to give you a chance, she’s not going to commit to the idea of fully going back into the courting stage of a relationship (e.g. Perhaps you’re wondering “should I have sex with my ex” because you’re tempted, but at the same time you’d like to get a better idea of what they feel for you! 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