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Archive for the ‘A Letter to Nattie’ Category

Tuesday, December 15th, 2015

Dear Natalie,

I don’t know what I expect every time I realize that this is another year that we have celebrated your birthday…without you. Did I think the time would diminish, the numbers decrease? And it’s been eight already!image

Do you remember when I told you about this movie? I don’t think you ever got to watch it. Now it’s just one more thing that reminds me of you.

Every day, it seems, I think of some place we went, or some thing we did together, and I think I should ask if you remember…then I remember…

We will miss you, and love you… ‘Till we meet again!


Dearest Nattie,

Saturday, June 7th, 2008

You’ve been living it up for a year now, my friend. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you. Oh Nattie-pie, there’s so much I want to tell you about the last year. As you are celebrating your heaven birthday, I’ll be sitting here filling out the tedious stacks of divorce paperwork that I never thought I’d see. In the year since you’ve been gone, I’ve walked a mile in your shoes. And my friend, I’m so grateful that you gave me such a model of grace to follow as I walk that path. I literally ask myself daily “What would Nattie do?” And while I’m not running out to have that phrase merchandised, I can’t even tell you how much your example has blessed me. As I go through the hardest experience of my life, I have found the strength and grace to get through each day by the glory of God, and by the fine example you set as you walked this path. There are so many times I have wished I could pick up the phone to call you – to cry, to commiserate, to ask how on earth you survived this – but instead, I thank God that I had the opportunity to know you, to call you friend, and to watch you conduct yourself with grace beyond human measure.
So thank you, my friend. Thank you that even in death you have inspired me to have the strength and courage to face tomorrow. You were truly “God’s Girl” – I’m just trying to be the box office sequel, “God’s Girl, Part 2”. I hope it lives up to the original. You’re a tough act to follow kiddo. I love you so much and miss you so much. Thank you for being you. Thank you for allowing God to shine through you so much in your life. Thank you for being a part of my life, for being my friend, and for giving me hope and encouragement that, no matter what happens, God can use any situation for His glory. You are proof of that my friend.
I’m so glad I’ll get to see you again someday. But for now, I’m going to admire my purple toenails, drink our shared vice of Diet Coke, and sigh over my legal documents, knowing that there is a brighter tomorrow.

Dear Nattie,

Sunday, June 1st, 2008

This is such a hard, hard letter to write! I still can’t believe that you’re really and truly gone, let alone that it has been nearly a year since you went home to heaven. It’s not hard at all to imagine you there, though, worshipping God with all your heart and soul, no doubt singing praise and worship choruses. 🙂 Would you believe we now attend the more contemporary worship service at church?! I often think that you would chuckle if you knew that. Uncle Roger decided he wanted to—I’ll spare you the reasons; as you can imagine they are complex—and it really was a “God thing” since Melissa decided right after that that she wanted to start coming to church with us. Of course, second/contemporary service is better for her, with having to get baby Isabelle up and around.


Dearest Nattie…

Wednesday, May 28th, 2008

I have been to your myspace at least a half dozen times, writing notes to you…missing you…wondering why in the world my heart feels so deeply and crys…I talked about you today…saying that the twos sides of me are at odds in this issue…my feelin side just feels it and responds with tears, no explanation necessary…yet my logical side, says this make no sense…in that yes, you knew her, but you didnt *know* her as many others did that would justify, explain or make sense of the tears I cry. But the logical side of me says nothing and reasons nothing, to either make the tears stop or justify the tears that flow…so I suppose I should just accept them, for whatever reason they are there and trust that God understands and knows and hears the deep of things within me.
You are soo missed, as I wrote on your myspace, even by silly girls who never even got to hug on ya…man every time I go there I cry…wonder why? Maybe cuz when I went that weekend, something about you, something within that hobbit house, something about sitting with your mom, hugging on your daddy, praying for your children, speaking into Wes’s life, sharing tears with never met before friends, left an indelible mark upon my soul…and it changes a person. Funny thing is I dont know, if we would have ever talked as friends, or if we would have discovered some passion shared…aside from the ones I know about…God, writing and cross stitch, I would have liked to have found out.
I often wonder, if you could do things different, knowing what you know now, what would you do different? I also wonder, what our answer to that question would be in light of, what we think YOU know now…about us, God, friendship, family, people, ministry…and what that answer should make US do differently, now while we can?
I cant believe we are approaching a year. Time goes by so fast, it seems we can barely catch our breaths. I pray that your babies come to saving knowledge of Christ, that they grow strong in the things of God and I pray that Wes is strengthened as a father and also comes to saving knowledge of Christ and his whole household. You know, better than any of us, how vital that is…so more than anything I pray that for them. I look forward to meeting and embracing you when God calls me home, until then girl, save me a seat.
In Him,


Saturday, May 24th, 2008

I leave you comments on MySpace all the time, so you would think writing this letter would come easy. Heck! It was my idea for people to write you letters and send them to your dad. Still, I have found it pretty near impossible to stop, breathe, and write this. But, here I am. Tuesday morning. My youngest is watching “All Dogs go to Heaven.” Are there dogs there? I have lots of silly questions like that. Is Jesus a good dancer? Do you have your own library?
Sometimes, it just hits me that you are gone. Like, I will be reading or having a conversation, and the knowledge will show up, uninvited. “Nat is Gone.” And it is so starkly real against this life that seems so hazy sometimes, that I have to stop. A punch in the gut. I remind myself to breathe again. The knowing is so painful. I am glad when it fades again, when I can slip back into the day.
But I don’t want to lose you. I am afraid if I don’t hang on to your memory, if I don’t wrestle it to the page, it will be gone. You will be gone.
I miss you.

Dearest Nattie,

Wednesday, May 21st, 2008

I can’t believe you have left this earth almost a year ago. I know you are in a much better place. Sometimes I get jealous because I’m stuck in this body that betrays me almost daily. Cerebral Palsy sucks but I know God has a purpose for me. I still don’t know what it is but I will continue to sit and wait on the Lord. I so wish I could’ve had the chance to meet you on this side of heaven, since we knew each other online for at least five years. I was excited to know though that you got a front row seat at my wedding on July 7, 2007. On June 8th I will be celebrating another person’s birthday and life. She went to heaven only a few months before you from cancer as well. She truly has the voice of an angel. I’m sure you too have met already. The foundation her parents started in her name to help kids with cancer go to summer camp for a week is having a huge Christian concert on her birthday. They are having a lot of local bands and closing with Building 429. How awesome is that! So on that day I will be celebrating both of you. I can’t believe that I have been married almost a year already. Time truly does fly! I love you Nattie and I look forward to the day when I finally get to meet you on the other side of the sky!
Heather M. (now Roemer) from WAH