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from the ashes

I have it in my mind that I need to say that I’m sorry for not blogging more often, but I don’t know if I really am. A lot has been going on and blogging just hasn’t been a number one priority. A motto I try to live by is choose the best, let go of the rest. Some days I do okay and other days I fail miserably. I enjoy blogging, but my online time is very precious right now and I have to spend it wisely. So…there you have it. My rather long treatise on why I won’t say I’m sorry for not blogging regularly right now.
I’ve been rather “thinking” lately. I’m officially divorced now. I signed that papers almost 3 weeks ago, but with courts and red tape I didn’t find out for sure that I was really and truly divorced until late last week. And I wonder how I should feel. Relieved? Sad? Happy? Glad?
I’m a little teary eyed at times when I think of what might have been, but for the most part…I am numb. I hurt more for my children I think than for myself. They have gone through so much already all because a dumb…oops I was about to cuss…butt couldn’t keep his head in the game. And he still doesn’t have a clue how his actions affect them.
I am so thankful that we serve a God who can bring beauty from ashes because there are days when I only see ashes around me. I only see the burnt up remains of a ruined marriage. I only see the scarred broken hearts of my children lying on the living room floor and I don’t even know where my heart is any more. But God can make something from the ashes. He is. I know He is.
Because there are other days when it smells like spring even though it is the dead of winter and in my mind that is the breathe of heaven stiring up healing in our broken burnt up souls.
freedom for captives
good news for the poor
comforting those who mourn
beauty from ashes
gladness for mourning
praise instead of despair
God is in the rebuilding, restoring and renewing business. Glory. ~Isaiah 61:1-4

7 Responses to “from the ashes”

  1. Dana Says:

    TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!
    (the blaring trumpet kind, not the booty kind)

  2. Heather Says:

    I still repeat that scripture to myself, as well.

  3. Pooh Says:

    Your strength gets me through days where I dont think things can get worse. Always praying for you.. never stopping.. a hand to hold.. a shoulder to lean on.. and legs to play and jump and run with. 🙂

  4. Pattie Says:

    Love you girl…keep lookin’ for signs of spring!

  5. Stacey Says:

    I am so proud of you my dear! You are an amazing woman and it is so wild to watch God working through and with you during this time!! (((Hugs)))

  6. naomi Says:

    You’re an inspiration Nattie.
    No, you don’t need to make any apologies for not blogging but I’m sure glad you did and that I got to read it this morning. God blessed me through it. Thank-you.

  7. Becky Says:

    I love you Nattie!!