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April 30, 2008
random randomness
(Originally published by Nattie on November 25, 2003)
~ why do I want to be liked even if it is by someone I don't really respect?
~ why do I have to understand "where someone is coming from"?
~ why can't I leave well enough alone?
~ why must I open my mouth and insert my foot (repeatedly)?
I'll just crawl back into my hole. I seem to have no light to shine. My lamp stand is all smudged. So I'll retreat. I won't even bother. Surely there is someone else better equipped to fight the good fight. Don't call me because I'll just screw it up. Over and over and over again. *sigh* I really need a spiritual retreat not just a vacation.
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 08:57 AM | Comments (0)
April 29, 2008
learned a lesson today
(Originally published by Nattie on November 25, 2003)
And if any place will not welcome you or listen to you, shake the dust off your feet when you leave, as a testimony against them. ~ Mark 6:11
and
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." ~ Matthew 18:21-22
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:22 AM | Comments (0)
April 28, 2008
Holidays Shmolidays
(Originally published by Nattie on August 26, 2004)
Because of holidays past, I refuse to get up in a roar about the ensuing holidays. I feel like God is trying to tell me something. Let's pretend that I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past and I'll guide you through my past holidays (*warning it isn't pretty):
1995--Single, living on my own, no money to buy gifts, hit an all-time low and considered being an escort (Yes, I was offered the job, but thank God I turned it down).
1996--Single, moved cross country, miss my family
1997--Single, pregnant and hiding the fact from my family
1998--Actually a pretty good Christmas. My first Christmas as a mommy and a wife.
1999--Pregnant again. It was planned. I'm married. Life is good, right? No, I am on the rollercoaster of trying to keep the baby and not miscarry it.
2000--Have undiagnosed Post Partum Depression. Can't figure out why I don't want to leave the house and cry non-stop. My husband had also been off work for weeks for a broken elbow. So again we had little to no money for gifts.
2001--In the hospital for suicidal ideation a weak before.
2002--Break my ankle. My aunt dies.
2003--no plans, no expectations, only gratitude that God is God and I am not.
I used to love the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. I loved seeing the malls decked out in evergreen and twinkling lights. I love the music. I was always my holiday because my birthday is 10 days before. But I'm realizing more and more that I've had the wrong idea about the holidays. I refuse to worry about gifts I don't have the money to buy. I refuse to worry about what we'll eat. Instead I will relax and enjoy seeing my family and friends. I will be grateful for the roof over my head, the clothes on my back and my family that still loves me even though I'm decidedly nutty. But most of all I will be thankful that God came down. God sent his Son to earth to cover the sins of the world. God came down to save...me, and you, and you...
That is what it is all about.
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:31 AM | Comments (3)
April 26, 2008
Random entry
(Originally published by Nattie on November 25, 2003)
* I know I haven't updated my vacation pics. I just don't have the energy. I'm still jetlagged and...
* I tried to wean myself off my anti-depressants and could not do it. I had a panic attack almost every day. Not to mention I was highly distracted and felt as though I were wearing my nerves outside my skin. So I'm back on meds again and they've not kicked in yet.
* Oh, and the oldest grumpy child starts kindergarten Monday. Mommy is a tad stressed about that. How will he do in all-day kindergarten? Will he drive his teachers insane? Will he go insane? Will he miss me so madly that he cries for me all day? I doubt it, but I'm worrying nonetheless.
*More random thoughts later.
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 05:48 PM | Comments (0)
April 25, 2008
grumpy grumperson
(Originally published by Nattie on November 24, 2003)
no sleep + a 5 yo in a snit = grumpy grumperson (i.e. Me)
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:14 AM | Comments (0)
Blunt Truth
(Originally published by Nattie on August 26, 2004)
Am I a nerd? Go ahead...you can tell me...
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 08:59 AM | Comments (0)
April 24, 2008
Don't break the elastic
(Originally published by Nattie on November 24, 2003)
My elastic is wearing thin. I'll fill you in later. Just enjoy the words of Maya Angelo for now.
Don't Break The Elastic
by Maya AngelouWhen I was in my younger days,
I weighed a few pounds less,
I needn't hold my tummy in to wear a belted dress. But now that I am older,
I've set my body free;
There's the comfort of elastic
Where once my waist would be.Inventor of those high-heeled shoes
My feet have not forgiven;
I have to wear a nine now,
But used to wear a seven.
And how about those pantyhose-
They're sized by weight, you see,
So how come when I put them on
The crotch is at my knee?
I need to wear these glasses
As the print's been getting smaller;
And it wasn't very long ago
I know that I was taller.
Though my hair has turned to gray
and my skin no longer fits,
On the inside, I'm the same old me,
It's the outside's changed a bit.
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:33 AM | Comments (0)
April 23, 2008
marking time
(Originally published by Nattie on November 22, 2003)
I'm just marking time till our vacation. I'm still not feeling great, but better than I was this weekend. I spent the majority of the time hugging my heating pad, reading and watching sappy movies. My husband is pretty good about letting me rest when I'm sickly. I'd just like to know why is it that nothing gets done when I'm sickly?! No dishes. No laundry. Nothing. It would almost make more sense to not rest because once I'm better I have to hustle to get the apartment tidied up again. And I've lowered my standards quite a bit so it's not like he'd have to do much. But no. Apparently I am the only one who knows how to keep the place semi-tidy. I'm slowly trying to get things back together, but I'd really like to take a nap.
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 08:58 AM | Comments (0)
April 22, 2008
my last 30 years
(Originally published by Nattie on November 21, 2003)
In less than a month I'll be turning the big 3-0! I'm not looking forward to it, but I've been contemplating this quote that my friend Pattie has on her email signature line:
There is no character in women's faces before the age of 30.-- Honore de Balzac
Expect more contemplative thoughts on the end of a decade.
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 12:23 PM | Comments (0)
April 21, 2008
my needs today
(Originally published by Nattie on Augus 08, 2004)
~ peace and quiet
~ caffeine
~ chocolate
~ a heating pad
~ pain medication
Repeat as often as necessary.
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:42 AM | Comments (1)
April 19, 2008
Quote on books
(Originally published by Nattie on November 20, 2003)
The instruction we find in books is like fire. We fetch it from our neighbours, kindle it at home, communicate it to others, and it becomes the property of all.--Voltaire, philosopher and writer (1694- 1778)
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 11:09 AM | Comments (0)
April 18, 2008
steppin' on my "soapbox"
(Originally published by Nattie on August 11, 2003)
I got an email saying something to the effect that the person was sorry to hear that a Christian was battling depression. Maybe they didn't mean it the way I am taking it, but in essence it sounds as though they think Christians shouldn't get depressed. Hmmm.
That line of thought really ticks me off. I guess a Christian shouldn't be diabetic either or get cancer. Really. Why is it okay for a Christian to take anti-biotics for an infection, but it isn't okay for a Christian to take medication for depression. You wouldn't expect a diabetic to go without their insulin, but a Christain with depression should go without medication. Hmmmm.
I'm trying to state this nicely, but I doubt that I'm going to. This line of thought always gets my underwear in a bunch.
Yes, Christians do have reason to hope, but depression isn't like catching a cold. For many it is a genetic or hormonal imbalance that must be treated with medication. I do believe in the value of alternative medication and alternitve treatments. But they are treatments. I didn't seek treatment for too long. I hate to see others do the same.
Yes, I believe God can heal depression. Just as he can heal cancer or any other ailment. God is bigger than any mountain, but as part of caring for my body, my temple, I need to be treated for any illness that I may have.
Yes, I believe depression is an illness.
Yes, I believe that God allowed my depression.
Yes, I believe that God has been with me through this valley.
Yes, I believe in the power of prayer.
But God is God. I am not.
Do I think Christians should get depressed? No! I don't believe they should get cancer either, but we live in a fallen world.
Sin is prevelant, as is disease and corruption. I don't believe that they should. But they do!
Do I believe God wants us to be depressed? No! But we do get depressed. I'm not just talking about the blues either. I'm talking about "I-feel-like-I've-been-run-over-by-a-Mack-truck" depression. I'm talking about "death sounds better than getting out of bed" depression. God doesn't want that for us, but we aren't going to see perfection until heaven. So we have to deal with what life has handed us. God is there with us--even to the end of the age.
Examples of Christians who have battled depression--David, Elijah, Paul, Isaiah.
Modern day examples--Sheila Walsh, Julia Ann Barnhill, Karen Linamen and Natalie York.
Never tell me that Christians shouldn't or don't get depressed. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, but this is the hand that life dealt me. So I am dealing with it--with God, as a Christian.
I don't know how others do it without God in their lives because often He has been the only thing to get me through.
*stepping off the soapbox for now*
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:02 AM | Comments (2)
April 17, 2008
For a laugh
(Originally published by Nattie on November 19, 2003)
I'm rushing around packing, and asked the kids to pack their own "pack-packs," which is Jonathan-ese for backpack. I just got a moment to sit down and see what they packed in their bags...
four-year-old daughter's pink Pooh bear pack-pack...
her bike horn
her plastic dress-up heels
a bracelet, necklace and ring
a Princess mirror
her toy camera
six-year-old son's black Cowboys' pack-pack....
gameboy & games
plane/robot transformer
Spiderman coloring book (no crayons)
Ronald McDonald Beanie Bear
What's in mom's purple pack-pack...
a change of underwear and clothes for each of the kids
my journal and pen plus two blank notebooks
two magazines to read on plane (Fitness and Shape)
gum
cd player
batteries
cds
camera
Isabel's Daughter
visor
medicine
makeup
fruit snacks
cheese crackers
trail mix
do-rag
ponytail holder
wrist brace
Gifts From the Sea
Daytimer
Big Stone Gap
glasses case, contact case and solution
sun glasses
pink highlighter
cell phone
wallet
Can you say..."Backache!"
What do you pack in your "pack-pack" when you go on vacation?
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:27 AM | Comments (1)
April 16, 2008
thoughts on gratitude
(Originally published by Nattie on November 18, 2003)
~"God has given us two hands, one to receive with and the other to give with."--Billy Graham
~"Gratitude is not only the memory but the homage of the heart rendered to God for his goodness."-—N.P. Willis
~"Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received.
Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling.
Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse."--Henry Van Dyke
~"I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all."--Laura Ingalls Wilder
~"To be really great in the little things, to be truly noble and heroic in the insipid details of everyday life, is a virtue so rare as to be worthy of cannonization."-—Harriet Beecher Stowe
~"It isn't the big pleasures that count the most; it's making a great deal out of the little ones."--Jean Webster
~"Once we discover how to appreciate the timeless values in our daily experiences, we can enjoy the best things in life."--Harry Hepner
~"Friendships begin with liking or gratitude."--George Eliot
~"I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new."-—Ralph Waldo Emerson
~"Love wholeheartedly, be suprised, give thanks and praise--then you will discover the fullness of your life."--Brother David Steindl-Rast
~"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is Gods will for you in Christ Jesus."--1 Thesselonians 5:18
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 08:57 AM | Comments (0)
April 15, 2008
ignorance is bliss
(Originally published by Nattie on November 17, 2003)
y'all may have noticed I'm not blogging much. Well, I'm blogging, but I'm not saying much when I blog. I'm using others' words or am writing short concise entries. I mentioned a while back that I'm an onion.
Well, I'm in the denial phase. I don't want to be an onion. I was perfectly happy being a...potato.
I liked being a potato. All I had to do was sit like a lump. But, no, God wants me to flavor things. Now I have to grow. Don't wanna. *pout* I want to be ignorant. If I don't know I need to change then I don't have to. But now I know. So now I have to act.
This may sound silly to all of you, but I hate change. If I had been Eve I would have been perfectly happy living in a cave, hitting rocks together for my fire, being drug around by my hair...okay, maybe that is extreme. But even if I know change is good for me, I don't like it.
Yes, I know where this comes from. I'm dealing with it.
This is just a phase. I've leaned into the pain before and got through okay. But right now I'm denying it. Right now I prefer to hole up with a good book and ignore the fact that I need to deal, grow and change. Don't wanna. *pout*
Dang it, by admitting that I "don't wanna" I have a feeling I'm gonna hafta.
Why can't I be ignorant? Why can't I be the ostrich with her head in the sand? Why can't I be the potato? Nope, I've gotta be an onion.
I've gotta start flavoring things instead of just being a filler.
Blech!
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 08:58 AM | Comments (1)
April 14, 2008
sleep seems so far away
(Originally published by Nattie on November 17, 2003)
The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep And miles to go before I sleep.--Robert Frost, "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening"
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 08:55 AM | Comments (0)
April 12, 2008
weekend highlights
(Originally published by Nattie on November 16, 2003)
~ no kids
~ new bra
~ no kids
~ read A Week In Winter
~ no kids
~ read Angels Watching Over Me
~ no kids
~ no kids
~ no kids
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 02:45 PM | Comments (0)
April 11, 2008
writers...
(Originally published by Nattie on November 15, 2003)
The trouble is that most people think that writers are only at work when they have a pen in their hands or they're sitting at a word processor but it isn't true. It goes on and on in their minds and they become withdrawn and preoccupied and touchy if they're distracted. ~ Marcia Willett from A Week In Winter
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:08 AM | Comments (0)
April 10, 2008
I could sit here all day...
waiting for inspiration, but I doubt that there is any other way to say it.
Natalie and Wes were married ten years ago today in Las Vegas.
Recognizing anything about which to be happy is difficult at times such as these, but we continue to be uplifted by your regular visits and comments. I want each of you, individually, to know that we appreciate your support beyond our ability to express.
Hugs.
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:40 AM | Comments (1)
I've seen this before
(Originally published by Nattie on November 15, 2003)
...but it seemed very appropriate after I spent a day hustling...
"Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
hang out the washing and butter the bread,
sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(lullaby, rock-a-bye, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peek-a-boo).
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
and out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
but I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rock-a-bye, lullaby loo).
The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs, Dust go to sleep.
I'm nursing my baby and babies don't keep."
by Ruth Hurlburt Hamilton
Thank you, Melissa, for the reminder.
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:01 AM | Comments (0)
April 09, 2008
what I will be doing today
(Originally published by Nattie on November 14, 2003)
To sit alone in the lamplight with a book spread out before you, and hold intimate converse with men of unseen generations--such is a pleasure beyond compare.--Kenko Yoshida, essayist (1283-1352)
The kids are going to my mother-in-laws for the weekend within the next hour. Yippee! I love my children, but I tend to be a person who needs alone time to replenish and thrive. Wes (hubby) and I are going to have an inexpensive date night tonight, but the rest of the time I am going to be reading my little heart out.
Have a blessed weekend!
BTW, I finished everything on my list yesterday and even did some extras. My house didn't know what hit it. [smile]
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:48 AM | Comments (1)
April 08, 2008
good mail day
(Originally published by Nattie on August 11, 2004)
I had a good mail day.
~ no bills
~ my friend Chris, sent me some books:
Eve's Daughters by Lynne Austin
Tears in a Bottle by Sylvia Bambola
Tia's Story by Judy Baer
~ she also tucked in two Pooh books for the kids. They loved it! They love mail!
~ I also got a Reader's Digest in the mail which is a gift from my friend, Dana.
I love good mail days!
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 08:59 AM | Comments (0)
April 07, 2008
Gone fishin'
(Originally published by Nattie on November 14, 2003)
Okay, I won't actually be fishing, but I will be gone. I'll have internet access so I might blog while in la la land. Or I might not.
Hope everyone has a great end of the summer.
TTFN,
Nattie
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 08:57 AM | Comments (0)
April 05, 2008
can you believe it?
(Originally published by Nattie on November 13, 2003)
I actually have the urge to clean?! It must be that I have exercised four days in a row. I won't question it.
Yesterday was the kids' room. Today my focus is my computer desk. I cleaned it off a few weeks ago and decluttered, but I was still left with some stacks and I didn't know what to do with them. So I shoved them in a box.
Today I was looking for something and realized it was in the black hole, er, I mean the box. :o) So I decided it was time to try to declutter some more.
So far...
~ I've removed everything from the desk except for the computer.
~ I've dusted and windexed everything.
~ I've vacuumed under the desk.
~ All that is left is THE BOX. It isn't a small box either.
Throughout the rest of the house, I've:
~ unloaded the dishwasher
~ done a load of laundry
~ cleaned the kitchen counters
~ vacuumed all the crumbs off the kitchen floor
~ fixed lunch
I've also been to the library and back.
On the rest of my to-do list is:
~ fold laundry
~ put away laundry
~ do more laundry
~ do a load of dishes
~ reheat chili for dinner
~ declutter living room
~ declutter my bedroom
~ vacuum living room (after kids are in bed)
~ exercise
~ take out trash
~ pay bills
If I'm still alive after completing that:
~ clean kids' toilet
~ clean upstairs toilet
~ take out bathroom trash
My reward at the end of all this...to read A Week In Winter by Marcia Willett. I'm loving this book and didn't want to put it down. I'd much rather be reading than cleaning, so I'm dangling it in front of me like a carrot in front of a baulking horse.
Happy cleaning from the utterly insane York house. :o)
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 06:55 PM | Comments (0)
April 04, 2008
a not-much-going-on day
(Originally published by Nattie on November 12, 2003)
yesterday was so busy with errands and such that it is good to have a day to recuperate. Jonathan didn't have speech. And I'm still in my robe and pj's. I have done dishes and fixed meals. I've been doing laundry, but I've seen no need to get dressed. :o) I guess I'll have to, eventually; it is too cold to walk to the mailbox without getting dressed.
We had a cold front move in last night. So I am cold. Brrr. But at least the sun is shining. I need sunshine.
That is about it. I finished Hideaway last night and am getting ready to start Traveling Mercies.
Now I'm getting ready to throw away some toys that two children refuse to pick up. I've been keeping their room fairly neat lately, then they decided Monday to dump all their toys out on their bedroom floor.
Tuesday they took all the books off the shelves. So today I'm throwing everything away (except books)! Christmas is coming and my children are not hurting for toys. I really wish they'd get more clothes for Christmas. I know kids don't want clothes. So if not clothes, then books--NO TOYS! Like that will happen.
Then I'll need to fold a jillion loads of laundry. I may take a shower in there somewhere. I like lazy days when I don't have to be out and about. Out and about is good, but not too often. Okay, off to terrorize two preschoolers...
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:15 AM | Comments (0)
April 03, 2008
sequencing
(Originally published by Nattie on November 12, 2003)
we learned when Jonathan had his speech evaluated that one of the things he scored lowly on was sequencing. You know, the ability to be told do this, this and then this. It never occurred to me that this might also be the problem with his potty problems.
After talking to my counselor, we think it is. Can you imagine how hard it is to do things if you don't know the sequence.
Say you need to brush your teeth. You have a toothbrush and toothpaste in front of you but don't remember what you need to do first. Do you need to put the toothpaste on the toothbrush or is it the other way around? Do you need to run the toothbrush under the water before or after you put the toothpaste on? You get the idea.
We think that is the problem with Jonathan. The only time we've had any success with the potty issue is when I had him running around naked and could see when he had to go. Otherwise we'd have to sit for hours with no success. So we are backing off a bit and going to work on knowing when we have to go.
This is going to be a challenge because his younger sister is ahead of him on this and hasn't been very hard to train at all. She's gotten over her fear of the big potty and now she sits happily "reading" or talking to her doll.
The only thing that really bothers me is what other people think. They probably think I'm a horrible mother because my son isn't trained yet. I'm also afraid as he gets farther into speech therapy, and then into preschool and kindergarten, that we are going to find more delays. How can a little guy who is so artistic and so sharp in some areas be so far behind in others? We want the best for our children and it hurts to see them having problems.
I guess I need to focus on the fact that he is relatively happy. And he can dress himself (purple shirt and beige pants - no socks) and he can get out the dinner dishes from plates down to the forks and spoons.
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 08:52 AM | Comments (1)
April 02, 2008
even more food for thought
(Originally published by Nattie on November 11, 2003)
"And try Me now in this," says the Lord of hosts, "If I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you such blessing that there will not be room enough to receive it." ~ Malachi 3:10
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 08:55 AM | Comments (0)
April 01, 2008
just a rainy tuesday
(Originally published by Nattie on November 9, 2003)
nothing exciting happening in small town USA. It is rainy, but not too cold. But it is the kind of gray weather that makes me want to stay in bed--all day. When I took Jonathan to speech today he said, "mommy, dere no sun." What do the people in Seattle do? I wouldn't last long there.
I have another counseling appointment tomorrow to deal with my "onion" issues, but I've had no time to do any of my homework. Maybe I can make it up. I'm not going to have the kids this weekend.
I forgot to tell you--I had an angel visit me yesterday and tell me she wanted the kids for the weekend. My MIL is my angel! So maybe I can do my homework then instead of having kids pound on my bedroom door while I'm trying to write my soul out.
Why don't I do it at night? By then I'm too tired from chasing munchkins to do any deep soul searching.
Maybe, I am again avoiding the pain. Well, off to listen to the rain...
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 05:15 PM | Comments (0)