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June 30, 2008
July Reads
(Originally published by Nattie on August 8, 2004)
My summer reading has slowed down quite a bit. I only read seven books in the month of July. Here they are:
- Evan's Gate by Rhys Bowen
- Body In the Cast by Katherine Hall Page
- Body In the Basement by Katherine Hall Page
- The Seventh Sinner by Elizabeth Peters
- Thornyhold by Mary Stewart
- Silhoutte in Scarlet by Elizabeth Peters
- Bridget Jones's Diary by Helen Fielding
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:09 AM | Comments (0)
June 28, 2008
What Board Game Are You?
(Originally published by Nattie on January 2, 2004)
You're Scrabble!
Which Board Game Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 07:53 PM | Comments (0)
June 27, 2008
Happy New Year
(Originally published by Nattie on December 30, 2003)
Nothing much planned in the way of a New Year's celebration. Hubby works late and I don't like to party anyway. I plan on having a Meg Ryan movie fest once the kids are in bed. Hope you all have a good one and stay safe.
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:09 AM | Comments (0)
June 26, 2008
Where I'm From
(Originally published by Nattie on December 30, 2003)
I followed a rabbit trail today. I read Stacey's Blog which took my to Naomi's Blog, which took me to this site and this site.
Now I will attempt to define Where I'm From
from motor oil and coffee black.
I am from Hoosier stock
raised in captivity in the warm California sun and replanted in the soil of my birth.
I am from private schools, from church on Sundays and Disneyland as my playground.
I am from nurses and writers.
I am from Wootens and from Carters,
from Rhines and Rileys,
from farmers, missionaries, CPA's and from teachers.
I am from bookworms, wordsmiths and from scribblers.
I am from compassion and intelligence, from stubborn pride.
I am from potatoes and noodles, from farm fresh green beans and peanut butter pie.
I am from blue-collar, middleclass; from gospel sings and summer camp meetings.
I am from distorted bloodlines from Pennsylvania Dutch and Cherokee.
I am from homemakers and ditch diggers,
from yarn, thread and fabric.
I am from afghans and quilts from big black leather Bibles and stiff wooden pews.
I am from White Shoulders, from tobacco and bandages.
I am from divorce, latchkeys and single parent homes.
I am from functional disfunction, from stepdads and stepsisters.
I am from a strong work ethic,
from work your fingers to the bone.
I am from "children are seen but not heard" and from "life isn't always what you want it to be."
I am from I Shot the Sheriff and Amazing Grace.
I am from American Graffitti and The Way We Were.
I am from baseball hats, tshirts
and from silk and hotrods.
I am from me.
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 08:38 AM | Comments (0)
June 25, 2008
My next 30 years
(Originally published by Nattie on December 27, 2003)
I wrote this a few weeks ago and meant to post it before now. I am 30 now, but the sentiment is still the same.
My Next 30 Years
I don't know why the fact that I'm turning 30 in a few weeks is bothering me so much. Thirty is just a number. It is all relative, right? Maybe it is because I feel older. I've gained weight. I'm not as active and the last three years have aged me. I've fought one of the hardest battles of my life these last three years--chronic depression.
I also thought I would have accomplished more by now. Granted I have two beautiful children and I'm happily married for the most part (I'd be lying if I said I've had a perfect marriage, but if things are going to be bad I'd rather face them with my husband).
But I thought (half a lifetime ago) that I would have my degree, be teaching, and live in a two-story house with three bedrooms and 1-1/2 baths and drive the prerequisite SUV.
At 15, I had a vague notion that I would marry and have kids. At that time I wanted all boys. I'm thankful that God didn't answer that desire. My one boy is enough boy for me. Between him and his father I've had my fill of testosterone.
I guess I have accomplished something minus the house and the SUV. I have a boy and a girl, both fair-haired and blue-eyed. They aren't actual accomplishments, though. They are blessings, gifts of immeasurable proportion.
I don't really have a career. I am a stay-at-home mom for the time being. I am a fledgling freelance writer. I don't have a degree, unless you count the one from the school of hard knocks. If I do return to work the only experience I have to offer is the ability to answer phones, type and keep your office orderly.
I still don't have this whole Christian thing figured out. I believe in the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. I believe that God sent His Son to die for my sins, and by this I am saved, but there are days when I'm not sure of much else. There are days when I doubt that God hears my prayers, or even cares. I thought I'd be farther along than this by now.
But all of that is behind me. It is time to bury some dreams. The past is gone and can't be undone, but my future is lying out in front of me like an open book. It is time for new dreams to be born. So what do I want to do with my next 30 years?
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:03 AM | Comments (1)
June 24, 2008
Yes, I think I feel some sparkle coming back
(Originally published by Nattie on December 27, 2003)
I was telling my friends that I felt like I'd lost my sparkle. I am not a sparkly person to begin with but I do have a smidge of glitter. Maybe just a glimmer, but I felt like this latest bout of medication changes totally wiped my sparkle away. I think it is coming back. Or it could be the Mountain Dew.
I'm excited. I've made two meals today. Yippee! For lunch we had Bubble Pizza, and for dinner we are having French Onion Beef Sandwiches. Yummy! They are both five-ingredient-or-less recipes, and the Dip Sandwich one was done in the crockpot. I'm also going to pop some french fries in the fryer. Not overly healthy, but still good.
Nothing else really exciting today. It is a down day. Thank goodness. The madness starts again on Monday. *sigh* I'm only allowed to walk Jonathan to his class the first two or three days. *sniff* What am I going to do? I'm torn between throwing a party and crying all day. I will still have my daughter to care for, but the day is still going to be very long withouth my grumpy boy.
BTW, I just want you to know that I'm tired of being the spider killer in my house. 'Nuff said.
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:01 AM | Comments (0)
June 23, 2008
Some of my Christmas Toys
(Originally published by Nattie on December 27, 2003)
I got spoiled this Christmas. So did the kids. They got so spoiled that I don't think I could even list what all they got.
Anna's favorite toy so far is a cheap little toy cell phone with faux fur case that I got at the dollar store for her stocking. She carries it everywhere and even sleeps with it.
Jonathan is enjoying robots, dragons, dinosaurs and legos. Wes is gazing fondly at his Tony Stewart car and playing the "Lord of the Rings" Xbox game.
Here are some of my toys that I'm enjoying; I picked up these two books with my Christmas money. They are both on my 2004 list to read and my library doesn't have them:
~ Gift From The Sea
~ Bird by Bird.
I picked out the gift that my dad got me. It is one of the perks of helping him shop for the kids!
~ "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone"
~ "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"
Wes did really well, too. We aren't supposed to buy for each other, but we always end up buying a few small things. This year he did real good. :o)
~ Kelly Clarkson--"Thankful"
~ "28 Days"
~ Christy--"A Change of Seasons"
~ Christy--"A New Beginning"
That is just the icing on the cake. I got oodles of gift cards to my favorite store, Kohls. So I went shopping yesterday and got a pretty merlot-colored velour "jogging" suit, two pairs of Gloria Vanderbilt sport pants, a black long-sleeve shirt and a lavendar fleece sweatshirt.
All in all it was a good Christmas. We didn't go anywhere with Anna being sick, but she seems to be all better now. We still have to take her to the doctor next month to follow up on the heart murmur, but I'm trying to leave that in God's hands.
Jonathan ran a low-grade fever for a few days and had a stuffy nose, but that seems to be better too. I did get to visit with my dad and Grandmother on Christmas Eve.
Christmas Day, Wes made a turkey. This is the second year that we've made our own turkey and we only do it because Wes is in love with turkey salad. Last Thanksgiving his stepmom gave me the "secret" recipe so I could make it for him. So we had turkey salad yesterday.
Also on Christmas Day my mother-in-law and her husband (I guess he would be my step fil?) brought the children's gifts over. The kids love their grandparents and enjoyed playing with them.
Our Christmas was quiet and I did wish that I could buy Wes more. With me staying at home, I don't have easy access to money to buy gifts with. Now, if I want to buy him something, he'll see the check in the checkbook or the withdrawal and wonder what I needed it for. When I was working I could be a little more discreet. And we don't have a lot of extra money right now.
Oh, well, lots of gifts aren't necessary for the perfect Christmas. What is necessary is family, friends, lots of love and fully appreciating the greatest gift of all--Jesus.
Enough rambling for now.
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 11:07 AM | Comments (1)
June 21, 2008
Santa came early
(Originally published by Nattie on December 23, 2003)
My uncle was seriously injured in a motorcycle accident when I was a little girl. He is paralyzed on his right side, unable to work and on disability. His wife left him a few years ago. So he is on the top of some local churches' charity list.
The thing is Uncle David is a confirmed bachelor. He lives on Coke and microwave dinners, and he has no intention of changing. So the food will just sit and rot if my Aunt Marty didn't take it off his hands. Guess who gets it? :o)
We are drowning in food! A sack of potatoes, oranges, apples, cereal, milk, OJ, cake mix and frosting, macaroni, ramen noodles (I'll think of you, Heather), spaghetti, spaghetti sauce, cookies, crackers, ham, and more. We hid some donuts for the kids Christmas breakfast. Plus Aunt Marty brought our Christmas gifts and there was a gift card for Walmart. She also brought the kids some single serving foods that they love--jello, ravioli, pudding.
So Santa came early. He was a lot shorter than I imagined and definitely not as portly. He wasn't even wearing his red suit. Heck, I don't even think he was a he?!
Merry Christmas, Everyone.
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 06:33 PM | Comments (0)
June 20, 2008
A mother's lesson in futility
(Originally published by Nattie on December 23, 2003)
I gave birth to her.
I craddled her in my womb for nine months. I prayed daily, and often hourly, for her safe delivery.
I nursed her.
I rocked her when she was colicky.
I changed her diapers.
I picked out her pretty pink clothes.
I watched her roll over.
I watched her crawl.
I stood anxiously by as she took her first step.
I've invested all my heart in her.
Keep your dirty paws off her.
She cut her first tooth gnawing on my fingers. She ate her first solid food from the spoon I held.
She spoke her first word while sitting on my knee.
She is not yours.
You cannot have her.
I am her guardian angel.
Until God sees fit to call her home,
No devil disguised as placenta previa,
or a nuchal cord,
or a heart murmur can have her.
She is mine.
Others may think they have a claim to her and I might relenquish care to them for a moment. But when they are through,
I am here waiting.
I'll be the one chewing my nails as she goes to kindergarten,
And rides the bus for the first time.
I'll be the one gripping my chair
when she learns to drive.
I'll be the one taking pictures of her in a prom dress, cap and gown, and wedding garb.
I may not be giving her away,
But I'll be the one who gives her "something old"
To hold as she walks down the aisle.
Keep your hands off.
You can't have her yet.
God is the only one who is allowed to have her...
And I haven't told him it is okay, yet.
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:22 AM | Comments (2)
June 19, 2008
Back from the Doctor
(Originally published by Nattie on December 22, 2003)
The official diagnosis: Anna has a cold. Well, I knew that, but the fever worried me. The diagnosis that stopped my heart--heart murmur.
The doctor has never heard one on her before. He wants to recheck her after she is over her cold. I did some checking and some heart murmurs can be caused by fever so I'm feeling a little better. Time will tell. If you think about it, say a prayer for my little doll.
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 08:32 AM | Comments (1)
June 18, 2008
On a lighter note
(Originally published by Nattie on December 22, 2003)
This was fun... What is your Ya-Ya Name?
I am Duchess Sleeping Butterfly.
I kid you not. :o)
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:42 AM | Comments (0)
June 17, 2008
Day 3 of fever-vile
(Originally published by Nattie on December 21, 2003)
Anna is still sick. It is probably just viral, but when her fever spiked to 103.7 last night, even this relatively calm momma freaked out.
So I called the doctor today to make sure it isn't strep or an ear infection. I don't think it is. She isn't eating much, but I imagine if she had strep she'd be screaming that her throat hurt. We'll see. I'll update you on the news from sick-vile when we get back from the doctor this afternoon.
Of course, she is up playing right now and I'm thinking why did I call the doctor?! Then the fever creeps back up when the Motrin wears off and she gets flushed and lethargic. That is what makes this momma nervous. Especially since this is the second time in less than a month that she has run a fever like this. *sigh* What to do? What to do?
Pray, pray and pray some more.
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 08:53 AM | Comments (0)
June 16, 2008
still sick
(Originally published by Nattie on December 20, 2003)
Anna is still sick. I'm calling the doctor tomorrow. Her fever is only breaking for a few hours after taking a fever reducer and then it is back up again. Poor baby.
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:58 AM | Comments (0)
June 15, 2008
One year ago today...
...we took Natalie's ashes to the cometary. But I am growing weary of recounting those sad milestones. If you want to read about that, it's here.
Still, I can't avoid noticing one more moment of personal melodrama; we buried my only child on this date last year...and today is "Father's Day." Nothin' I can do about that. I know we all have days of grief...and life goes on.
Although we will never forget Natalie, we slowly become accustomed to her absence. We have resumed the posting of entries from her own writings and observations. We see reminders of her life morning, noon and night--here, there and everywhere--but reality dawns. Our earthly meetings are over.
I am sure others would rather not hear me say, "Natalie loved that book," or, "The last time I was here was with Natalie..." But I still enjoy reading your assurances that she was a positive influence on your lives. That makes me proud. It makes me feel good. It brings tears to my eyes.
Onward and Upward!
(((((y'all)))))
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 11:27 AM | Comments (5)
June 14, 2008
sick again
(Originally published by Nattie on December 19, 2003)
My poor baby girl is sick again.
Anna has developed a runny nose over the past few days and today she ran a fever of 103.
Our Christmas Eve gathering has already been cancelled because my grandma-in-law was in the hospital with pnuemonia. So we were to go and exchange gifts tomorrow. That won't happen if Anna is still running a fever. This is why I don't make any plans for big Christmases. Something always happens.
I'm sad though. I've spent every Christmas Eve for the past seven years with hubby's extended family.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"For somehow, not only at Christmas,
but all the long year through,
the joy that you give to others
is the joy that comes back to you."--John Greenleaf Whittier
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 03:22 PM | Comments (0)
June 13, 2008
Giving and Receiving
(Originally published by Nattie on December 18, 2003)
I got this email today from Momsense, a MOPS radio transcript...
At MOPS, we have a powerful visual aid to remind us as mothers that though we are meeting everyone else's needs, we too have needs. We too need to be nurtured. The reminder is a crumpled up, empty cardboard juice box with a bunch of straws sticking into it, symbolic of the way we moms feel as everyone around us sticks their straws into us and sucks and sucks until we feel totally empty with nothing left to give.
That symbol is a good reminder in these days prior to Christmas, as we feel like we're in charge of creating Christmas for everyone else around us. We're giving, giving, giving, until we sometimes feel as if we have nothing left to give. In the midst of these feelings, we need to remember to receive
- so we are able to give. We need to receive God's gift of love to each of us at Christmastime
- the gift of Jesus, a baby born in a manger; Emmanuel
- God with us. As we feast our eyes on the manger in a Nativity scene, or listen to the words of a Christmas carol, let the reality of God's gift of love fill us up from the inside out; let the presence of Jesus replenish our empty juice boxes. Let us receive
- so that we are able to give during this Christmas season.
--Elisa Morgan
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 12:09 PM | Comments (0)
June 12, 2008
1 Corinthians Christmas version
(Originally published by Nattie on December 18, 2003)
If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another decorator.If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another cook.
If I work at the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home and give all that I have to charity, but do not show love to my family, it profits me nothing.
If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a myriad of holiday parties and sing in the choir's cantata but do not focus on Christ, I have missed the point.
Love stops the cooking to hug the child.
Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the husband.
Love is kind, though hurried and tired.
Love doesn't envy another's home that has coordinated Christmas china and table lines.
Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way, but is thankful they are there to be in the way.
Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return but rejoices in giving to those who can't.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. Video games will break, pearl necklaces will be lost, golf clubs will rust. But giving the gift of love will endure.
~ author unknown
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 08:33 AM | Comments (0)
June 11, 2008
In Memorium
(Originally published on June 11, 2007)
Natalie's memorial service is over. It truly was uniquely a blogger's send-off.
Her former pastor Brent spoke almost entirely in Nattie's own words from this site. Her cousin Mark from Colorado Springs played the piano and sang the last song she posted here. Blogging buddies Heather and Joanne read a passage they had resurrected overnight from the crashed "Nattie Writes" on the Internet Archive. Another cousin, Laurie from Auberry, California, read several comments posted June 7 in response to the question on the W@H site--"What do you love about our Nattie Rose?" All brought laughs and tears in similar numbers.
Thank you to Nat's Internet friends Valerie (Missouri), Joanne (Washington), Angie (Indiana), Cynthia (Illinois), Cheryl (Missouri), and Heather (Mississippi), who traveled to help us celebrate her life. We also appreciate the rest of you who joined us and our Natalie Rose, in spirit.
On a related note, the funeral director told me that the only person to get more guestbook entries on the Home's website was Bill Gaither's dad. Rock on, Nat!
I still do not intend to make this my blog, but I do have a few more things that I want to post in the not too distant future, so check back at your leisure.
Thank you for your prayers and good wishes.--Nattie's Daddy
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 08:52 AM | Comments (1)
June 10, 2008
empty
(Originally published by Nattie on December 16, 2003)
poured out
no refills available here
has someone poked holes in my styrofoam
or chipped my porcelain finish
is there a crack in my glass
because i'm empty
ice cubes rattle
in an empty glass
"hit me again, bartender"
i stare at a wall of empty bottles
everything is spilled out on the floor
a flood of amber liquid
a numbing flood
yet an empty flood
no liquid in a bottle can fill this cracked cup no powder
no pills
no food
no "vice" of any kind
i've tried most of them
the others are the same
they will leave you empty
again
again
and again
fill me up, please
with something that stays
with something that fulfills
and doesn't kill
this other stuff is garbage
empty
again
copyright Natalie Rose York
Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.--John 4:13-14The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.--John 10:10
***disclaimer: I don't want any family members or friends to freak out. Repeat after me-—"artistic license!" :o)***
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 11:09 AM | Comments (0)
This can't be right
(Originally published by Nattie on August 26, 2004)
Spanish or Italian...? What Language Are You?
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 08:53 AM | Comments (0)
June 09, 2008
I kicked myself out
(Originally published by Nattie on December 16, 2003)
Well, I think I finally got myself kicked out of my pity party. It is really hard to feel pitiful when everyone keeps sending you ecards, blog comments, blog entries, snail mail cards, phone calls and packages. Thank you to all my family and friends who wouldn't let me feel pitiful.
One friend (you know who you are) sent me 35 ecards with cakes on them when I whined that I didn't get a cake for my birthday (not that I needed it). When I hinted to hubby that I was a smidge disappointed that I didn't get a cake he brought home cake that he pilfered from an office party.
And it is hard to feel miserable when everytime your son does something wrong he hugs you and says, "'appy 'irthday, Mommy!"
Today is a new day. I'm still 30 though. Ugh!
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 01:13 PM | Comments (0)
June 08, 2008
Remembering...
One year ago today we were making Natalie's funeral arrangements. Today, her church held a memorial program for the seven members who passed on last year. Nat was, of course, the youngest of these and, alphabetically, the last one "eulogized."
The words were, as in her Life Celebration of last year, mostly her own, and you have read them here in recent days. It was a lovely moment that reinforced what we already know. Nobody knew all there was to know about Natalie because she was a unique inspiration to each individual with whom she came in contact.
The following verse is from a service her mom attended in California several months ago, but I saved it for this occasion. It just seems to fit.
We will always love you, Natalie.
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:08 PM | Comments (0)
Parable of Immortality
by Henry Van Dyke
1852-1933
I am standing by the seashore
A ship at my side spreads her white sails
To the morning breeze
And starts for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauy and strength,
And I stand and watch until at last she hangs
Like a speck of a white cloud
Just where the sun and sky come down
Mingle with each oher.
Then someone at my side says
"There she goes!"
Gone where?
Gone from my sight—that is all
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar
As she was when she left my side
And just as able to bear her load of living freight
To the places of destination.
Her diminished size in me, not in her.
And just at the monent when someone at my side says,
"There she goes!"
There are other eyes watching her coming,
And other voices ready to take up the glad shout,
"Here she comes!"
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 06:55 PM | Comments (1)
June 07, 2008
Has anybody seen my ark?
The 2008 Grant County "Relay for Life" did not fare well, weather-wise. After everyone else left, "Team Nattie"--and a few volunteers--made a couple of quick laps of the track before it seriously started raining. Pictured in no particular order are Amy, Paige, Anna, Nattie's Mom, stepdad John, Aunt Marty, cousins Joy and Steve, Uncle Bill, and other friends whose names I have already forgotten...sorry! Jonathan was present, but had run ahead of the marching band.
First Saturday in June, 2009...we can't get rained out two years in a row, can we?
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 08:15 PM | Comments (2)
Dearest Nattie,
You've been living it up for a year now, my friend. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. Oh Nattie-pie, there's so much I want to tell you about the last year. As you are celebrating your heaven birthday, I'll be sitting here filling out the tedious stacks of divorce paperwork that I never thought I'd see. In the year since you've been gone, I've walked a mile in your shoes. And my friend, I'm so grateful that you gave me such a model of grace to follow as I walk that path. I literally ask myself daily "What would Nattie do?" And while I'm not running out to have that phrase merchandised, I can't even tell you how much your example has blessed me. As I go through the hardest experience of my life, I have found the strength and grace to get through each day by the glory of God, and by the fine example you set as you walked this path. There are so many times I have wished I could pick up the phone to call you - to cry, to commiserate, to ask how on earth you survived this - but instead, I thank God that I had the opportunity to know you, to call you friend, and to watch you conduct yourself with grace beyond human measure.
So thank you, my friend. Thank you that even in death you have inspired me to have the strength and courage to face tomorrow. You were truly "God's Girl" - I'm just trying to be the box office sequel, "God's Girl, Part 2". I hope it lives up to the original. You're a tough act to follow kiddo. I love you so much and miss you so much. Thank you for being you. Thank you for allowing God to shine through you so much in your life. Thank you for being a part of my life, for being my friend, and for giving me hope and encouragement that, no matter what happens, God can use any situation for His glory. You are proof of that my friend.
Glory!
I'm so glad I'll get to see you again someday. But for now, I'm going to admire my purple toenails, drink our shared vice of Diet Coke, and sigh over my legal documents, knowing that there is a brighter tomorrow.
Love,
Cheryl
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 07:12 AM | Comments (7)
We all miss you, Natalie Rose
Thank you, Becky
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 06:41 AM | Comments (0)
June 06, 2008
Letters from Mommy's journal
(Natalie wrote these the day before her surgery; she gave them to her children on June 6, 2007, the night before she passed on.)
Dear Jonathan,
You are my first-born, my precious baby boy. Yuo have gotten so big I can't believe you are almost as tall as me or that you'll be 9 this July.
I want you to know that I love you. I know I haven't always been the best mommy but know this much--no matter what--I will always love you.
You are such an amazing little guy. Never stop dreaming, imagining or being creative. I know that if you want to you can be a great artist someday. You already are an artist.
Believe in yourself. I do.
Again, I love you. Never forget that.
Mommy
5/26/07
Dear Anna,
My sweet baby girl--being your mom has been a joy.
I am only sorry that I've been sick so much of your life. I'm sorry that we haven't cuddled more, that you haven't read more to me. You are such a smart little girl. Yes, I called you a little girl because even though you are almost 7--you are my baby girl.
You are going to do just fine--in school and in life.
Never forget that mommy loves you, and so does God.
Butterfly kisses and hugs,
Mommy
5/26/07
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 01:43 PM | Comments (2)
June 05, 2008
The Touch of a Hand
(Dictated June 4, 2007, to Daddy)
Through this illness I have realizeed the importance of the gentle touch, whether it is rubbing hair away from forehead, or even the prick of a needle.
Yesterday I rerealized even more the value of the touch of a familiar hand.
My blood pressure dropped to zero. All I could see around me was white, and all I could smell were clinical smells. If not for the touch of my mother's hand, tethering me to reality, I don't know if I would be alive today.
As I gripped her hand fiercely, I also recognized how much her hands felt like her mom's. Im sure I squeezed life from those little hands, but they were so precious to me--that link between Mother, Daughter and Granddaughter.
Those hands returned my squeeze, while their lips softly sang old Gaither tunes.
Never undereestimate the power of a gentle touch.
Copyright Natalie Rose York
When I left Natalie at the end of the day, June 4 last year, she was sitting up in bed eating Jell-O and anticipating her return home where, "the library delivers!"
She hadn't looked better in weeks. We had what we thought were realistic hopes for several months ahead. We got two days.
These are the last of Natalie's words to be posted here...and that's all I have to say about that.
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 08:31 AM | Comments (3)
June 04, 2008
Another random entry
(Originally published by Nattie on December 15, 2003)
I am trying to get organized. Trying being the key word. My latest endeavor in organization is menu planning. This is something I've wanted to do for a long time, but now I have to do it. I am the queen of the last minute. I'm trying to be more proactive and less reactive. Less trips to McDonald's or ordering pizza because I don't have all the ingredients for dinner. And I want simple dinners because I don't do complicated. I want a 10-minute prep max, and I really like recipes that only require five things.
I'm not asking for much. ;-) I just know that the easier I make this for me the easier it will be for me to stick to it. I am also going to have a really hard time losing weight if I don't do some menu planning. I don't want to start the McDonald's diet. LOL
CJ gave me a link last night to this great site. I just have to share the recipe I made today--Impossible Burrito Bake. Yummy! I can totally see slimming this down for Weight Watchers and it will be just as good.
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:26 AM | Comments (0)
June 03, 2008
Weekend Update
Natalie was transferred to ICU with an elevated heart rate early this (Sunday) morning. As she had a blood clot in her lung a couple of years ago, that was a concern. Accordingly, CT scans were ordered. Her mom also asked that they do abdominal X-rays in hopes of detremining the source of the back pain that has plagued her for almost a week.
Sorry this is rushed, but that is all that I know this morning.
Marie, and others: I cannot tell you here and now whether Nat would appreciate visitors, though my guess is probably not for at least a couple of days. The best thing I can tell you is, if you know where she is, call her room and talk to her mom. If she has stepped out of the room, please try again later. At thte very least, she will relay your message.
Thank you, everyone! Don't stop praying now!--Nattie's Daddy
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 11:58 AM | Comments (1)
June 02, 2008
Happy Birthday to Me!
(Originally published by Nattie on December 15, 2003)
Well, today is the day. The day I've been dreading. I can't deny it anymore. I'm 30.
It is a day like any other day. My husband is working. There is no cake (not that I need it). No party. My three-year-old, Anna, did sing Happy Birthday to me and I got a kiss from my five-year-old (that is nearly unheard of). My husband fixed me oatmeal for breakfast. I went to the library. Now I am home. It is just me and the kids. I think we'll be having bologna or hotdogs for my birthday meal. Just another day. Dishes to do. Floors that need vacuumed and dirty laundry creeping across the apartment like kudzu vines.
Happy Birthday to Me!
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:03 AM | Comments (2)
June 01, 2008
Dear Nattie,
This is such a hard, hard letter to write! I still can't believe that you're really and truly gone, let alone that it has been nearly a year since you went home to heaven. It's not hard at all to imagine you there, though, worshipping God with all your heart and soul, no doubt singing praise and worship choruses. :-) Would you believe we now attend the more contemporary worship service at church?! I often think that you would chuckle if you knew that. Uncle Roger decided he wanted to—I'll spare you the reasons; as you can imagine they are complex—and it really was a "God thing" since Melissa decided right after that that she wanted to start coming to church with us. Of course, second/contemporary service is better for her, with having to get baby Isabelle up and around.
I'm getting ahead of myself, though. Yes, Phillip and Melissa got married, just weeks before Isabelle Eve was born on November 13th, one day after her Granne's birthday. Phillip was deployed on December 10th. He got to be home for Christmas and New Year's, but left for Georgia on January 2nd, and on to Iraq in early March. Any chance you can keep an eye on him from up there? Maybe pull a few strings? I don't suppose you'll actually want to leave the throne of Jesus to do so, but since none of us is 100% sure exactly what heaven is like, I thought I might as well ask. :-)
One poignant thing I'd like to tell you is that Phillip is angry about your death, because you probably would have been diagnosed much earlier, while the cancer would still have been treatable, had you had insurance. I didn't realize he felt that close to you, but then I shouldn't be surprised—the picture of the two of you that keeps floating through my head is the one when he was maybe three and you were still a preteen. It was obviously physically challenging for you, but Grandmother, your mom, David, you and Phillip were standing in front of the Dixie Queen on Lake Webster, and you were holding Phillip in your arms for all you were worth, with a huge smile on your face!
Another piece of family news it that Laurie, Jeremy and family have moved from California to Kansas. We are thrilled that they are closer. Also, David and Michelle are expecting #6 in September. That will be grandbaby #12 for us! Whew!
My biggest regret for the past year is that I have done almost nothing to keep in touch with Jonathan and Anna. Wes has offered to bring them any time we want them, but I'm so busy with Melissa and Isabelle, so tired from that and from work, and feel so inadequate, that I've not made the effort to see them. I feel like I’ve let you down. I did take your daddy, and Grandmother, down to meet them at McDonald's before Christmas. Your Aunt Marty met us there, too, and Angel brought the kids. It was wonderful to see them happy and well cared for.
Jennifer Chiaverini has published two books since you left us, and Ann B. Ross, one. (I e-mailed Ann to tell her you had died. She sent back the nicest e-mail, saying that she did indeed remember us from the book signing we attended just weeks before you died. She said that particular signing was one of her smaller ones, but that it had seemed special somehow. She thought in retrospect that perhaps it was because you were so close to heaven!)
I couldn't possibly count the number of times I've thought of you over the past year. Just a week ago I had to run down to Noblesville, and because of construction on 37 and for a couple of other reasons, I zigged over through Elwood, and then on my way back zagged through Anderson and up through Alec. How painful that trip was! Not that I haven't gone through all of those place multiple times in the past 12 months, but to go through them all in one evening, and so close to the anniversary of your death—it seemed I should be seeing you just around every corner. Many times I have to remind myself that, "You give and take away, You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name."
Well, this is getting too long. Your daddy may have to edit it before he posts it. There’s so much more I could say, but I'll close. You will always be in my heart. See you soon!
Much love,
Aunt Anne
PS to Nattie's parents: Thank you so much for the gift of Natalie Rose. I have such wonderful memories of several favorite aunts—Aunt Becca, Aunt Eunice, Aunt Rachel—and I always wanted to be special in the lives of my nieces. Natalie was the only one (of course, I have very few!) with whom I got to develop a loving friendship. Without you that would not have been possible. While I'm sad beyond words that that chapter of my life is closed, I'll be forever grateful that it was ever written at all.
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:41 PM | Comments (4)
Beauty for Ashes
(Originally published on June 01, 2007)
(Note: Although Nattie is still in the hospital in Indianapolis, she dictated the following this afternoon for her daddy to share with you.)
"While my mom was reading to me from my Bible, she came across a highlighted passage--Isaiah 61:3. There, God talks about trading pleasure for our pain, and to this truth I’ll hold.
"I have people praying for me from coast to coast and around the world. I want to thank you for being some of those people.
"No matter what happens, it's going to be OK. This is just a twinkling of the eye, a mere moment of pain..In a little while we will all see our mourning traded for 'oil of gladness.'"
Copyright Natalie Rose York
Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 11:51 AM | Comments (1)