June 07, 2008

Dearest Nattie,

You've been living it up for a year now, my friend. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. Oh Nattie-pie, there's so much I want to tell you about the last year. As you are celebrating your heaven birthday, I'll be sitting here filling out the tedious stacks of divorce paperwork that I never thought I'd see. In the year since you've been gone, I've walked a mile in your shoes. And my friend, I'm so grateful that you gave me such a model of grace to follow as I walk that path. I literally ask myself daily "What would Nattie do?" And while I'm not running out to have that phrase merchandised, I can't even tell you how much your example has blessed me. As I go through the hardest experience of my life, I have found the strength and grace to get through each day by the glory of God, and by the fine example you set as you walked this path. There are so many times I have wished I could pick up the phone to call you - to cry, to commiserate, to ask how on earth you survived this - but instead, I thank God that I had the opportunity to know you, to call you friend, and to watch you conduct yourself with grace beyond human measure.

So thank you, my friend. Thank you that even in death you have inspired me to have the strength and courage to face tomorrow. You were truly "God's Girl" - I'm just trying to be the box office sequel, "God's Girl, Part 2". I hope it lives up to the original. You're a tough act to follow kiddo. I love you so much and miss you so much. Thank you for being you. Thank you for allowing God to shine through you so much in your life. Thank you for being a part of my life, for being my friend, and for giving me hope and encouragement that, no matter what happens, God can use any situation for His glory. You are proof of that my friend.

Glory!

I'm so glad I'll get to see you again someday. But for now, I'm going to admire my purple toenails, drink our shared vice of Diet Coke, and sigh over my legal documents, knowing that there is a brighter tomorrow.

Love,

Cheryl

Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 07:12 AM | Comments (7)

June 01, 2008

Dear Nattie,

This is such a hard, hard letter to write! I still can't believe that you're really and truly gone, let alone that it has been nearly a year since you went home to heaven. It's not hard at all to imagine you there, though, worshipping God with all your heart and soul, no doubt singing praise and worship choruses. :-) Would you believe we now attend the more contemporary worship service at church?! I often think that you would chuckle if you knew that. Uncle Roger decided he wanted to—I'll spare you the reasons; as you can imagine they are complex—and it really was a "God thing" since Melissa decided right after that that she wanted to start coming to church with us. Of course, second/contemporary service is better for her, with having to get baby Isabelle up and around.

I'm getting ahead of myself, though. Yes, Phillip and Melissa got married, just weeks before Isabelle Eve was born on November 13th, one day after her Granne's birthday. Phillip was deployed on December 10th. He got to be home for Christmas and New Year's, but left for Georgia on January 2nd, and on to Iraq in early March. Any chance you can keep an eye on him from up there? Maybe pull a few strings? I don't suppose you'll actually want to leave the throne of Jesus to do so, but since none of us is 100% sure exactly what heaven is like, I thought I might as well ask. :-)

One poignant thing I'd like to tell you is that Phillip is angry about your death, because you probably would have been diagnosed much earlier, while the cancer would still have been treatable, had you had insurance. I didn't realize he felt that close to you, but then I shouldn't be surprised—the picture of the two of you that keeps floating through my head is the one when he was maybe three and you were still a preteen. It was obviously physically challenging for you, but Grandmother, your mom, David, you and Phillip were standing in front of the Dixie Queen on Lake Webster, and you were holding Phillip in your arms for all you were worth, with a huge smile on your face!

Another piece of family news it that Laurie, Jeremy and family have moved from California to Kansas. We are thrilled that they are closer. Also, David and Michelle are expecting #6 in September. That will be grandbaby #12 for us! Whew!

My biggest regret for the past year is that I have done almost nothing to keep in touch with Jonathan and Anna. Wes has offered to bring them any time we want them, but I'm so busy with Melissa and Isabelle, so tired from that and from work, and feel so inadequate, that I've not made the effort to see them. I feel like I’ve let you down. I did take your daddy, and Grandmother, down to meet them at McDonald's before Christmas. Your Aunt Marty met us there, too, and Angel brought the kids. It was wonderful to see them happy and well cared for.

Jennifer Chiaverini has published two books since you left us, and Ann B. Ross, one. (I e-mailed Ann to tell her you had died. She sent back the nicest e-mail, saying that she did indeed remember us from the book signing we attended just weeks before you died. She said that particular signing was one of her smaller ones, but that it had seemed special somehow. She thought in retrospect that perhaps it was because you were so close to heaven!)

I couldn't possibly count the number of times I've thought of you over the past year. Just a week ago I had to run down to Noblesville, and because of construction on 37 and for a couple of other reasons, I zigged over through Elwood, and then on my way back zagged through Anderson and up through Alec. How painful that trip was! Not that I haven't gone through all of those place multiple times in the past 12 months, but to go through them all in one evening, and so close to the anniversary of your death—it seemed I should be seeing you just around every corner. Many times I have to remind myself that, "You give and take away, You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name."

Well, this is getting too long. Your daddy may have to edit it before he posts it. There’s so much more I could say, but I'll close. You will always be in my heart. See you soon!

Much love,
Aunt Anne

PS to Nattie's parents: Thank you so much for the gift of Natalie Rose. I have such wonderful memories of several favorite aunts—Aunt Becca, Aunt Eunice, Aunt Rachel—and I always wanted to be special in the lives of my nieces. Natalie was the only one (of course, I have very few!) with whom I got to develop a loving friendship. Without you that would not have been possible. While I'm sad beyond words that that chapter of my life is closed, I'll be forever grateful that it was ever written at all.

Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:41 PM | Comments (4)

May 28, 2008

Dearest Nattie...

I have been to your myspace at least a half dozen times, writing notes to you...missing you...wondering why in the world my heart feels so deeply and crys...I talked about you today...saying that the twos sides of me are at odds in this issue...my feelin side just feels it and responds with tears, no explanation necessary...yet my logical side, says this make no sense...in that yes, you knew her, but you didnt *know* her as many others did that would justify, explain or make sense of the tears I cry. But the logical side of me says nothing and reasons nothing, to either make the tears stop or justify the tears that flow...so I suppose I should just accept them, for whatever reason they are there and trust that God understands and knows and hears the deep of things within me.

You are soo missed, as I wrote on your myspace, even by silly girls who never even got to hug on ya...man every time I go there I cry...wonder why? Maybe cuz when I went that weekend, something about you, something within that hobbit house, something about sitting with your mom, hugging on your daddy, praying for your children, speaking into Wes's life, sharing tears with never met before friends, left an indelible mark upon my soul...and it changes a person. Funny thing is I dont know, if we would have ever talked as friends, or if we would have discovered some passion shared...aside from the ones I know about...God, writing and cross stitch, I would have liked to have found out.

I often wonder, if you could do things different, knowing what you know now, what would you do different? I also wonder, what our answer to that question would be in light of, what we think YOU know now...about us, God, friendship, family, people, ministry...and what that answer should make US do differently, now while we can?

I cant believe we are approaching a year. Time goes by so fast, it seems we can barely catch our breaths. I pray that your babies come to saving knowledge of Christ, that they grow strong in the things of God and I pray that Wes is strengthened as a father and also comes to saving knowledge of Christ and his whole household. You know, better than any of us, how vital that is...so more than anything I pray that for them. I look forward to meeting and embracing you when God calls me home, until then girl, save me a seat.

In Him,
Cynthia

Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 09:39 AM | Comments (0)

May 24, 2008

Nattie-Pie,

I leave you comments on MySpace all the time, so you would think writing this letter would come easy. Heck! It was my idea for people to write you letters and send them to your dad. Still, I have found it pretty near impossible to stop, breathe, and write this. But, here I am. Tuesday morning. My youngest is watching "All Dogs go to Heaven." Are there dogs there? I have lots of silly questions like that. Is Jesus a good dancer? Do you have your own library?

Sometimes, it just hits me that you are gone. Like, I will be reading or having a conversation, and the knowledge will show up, uninvited. "Nat is Gone." And it is so starkly real against this life that seems so hazy sometimes, that I have to stop. A punch in the gut. I remind myself to breathe again. The knowing is so painful. I am glad when it fades again, when I can slip back into the day.

But I don't want to lose you. I am afraid if I don't hang on to your memory, if I don't wrestle it to the page, it will be gone. You will be gone.

I miss you.

Heather

Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 05:13 PM | Comments (0)

May 21, 2008

Dearest Nattie,

I can’t believe you have left this earth almost a year ago. I know you are in a much better place. Sometimes I get jealous because I’m stuck in this body that betrays me almost daily. Cerebral Palsy sucks but I know God has a purpose for me. I still don’t know what it is but I will continue to sit and wait on the Lord. I so wish I could’ve had the chance to meet you on this side of heaven, since we knew each other online for at least five years. I was excited to know though that you got a front row seat at my wedding on July 7, 2007. On June 8th I will be celebrating another person’s birthday and life. She went to heaven only a few months before you from cancer as well. She truly has the voice of an angel. I’m sure you too have met already. The foundation her parents started in her name to help kids with cancer go to summer camp for a week is having a huge Christian concert on her birthday. They are having a lot of local bands and closing with Building 429. How awesome is that! So on that day I will be celebrating both of you. I can’t believe that I have been married almost a year already. Time truly does fly! I love you Nattie and I look forward to the day when I finally get to meet you on the other side of the sky!

Love,

Heather M. (now Roemer) from WAH

Posted by Nattie's Daddy at 02:15 PM | Comments (0)